How to Help a Friend or Loved One

If you think that a friend or someone you know is in an abusive or unhealthy relationship, it can be difficult to know what to do. You may want to help, but be scared to lose them as a friend or feel as though it is not your place to step in. Your instinct might be to “rescue them”, but abusive relationships are complicated. All these feelings you may be having are normal, however, the most important thing you can do as a friend is start a conversation. Here are a few tips to help you talk to your friend.

Tips for Supporting a Friend

  1. Start a conversation calmly and on a positive note.
  2. Be supportive and listen. Let them open up about the situation on their own terms.
  3. Gently bring up unhealthy behaviors but avoid blame, judgement, and labels.
  4. Give them space to speak.
  5. Let them make their own decisions.
  6. Be prepared – Educate yourself on resources.
  7. Remind them that they are not alone.
  8. Continue to reach out even if they don’t respond.

Help a Friend or Loved One

Safety Planning With a Friend

  1. Choose a code word – if they speak or text the word, or post it on social media – you know to contact 9-1-1.
  2. Offer to hold on to money, copies of important documents, extra keys, extra medicine, changes of clothing, and special toys for kids.
  3. Share information about resources in your area. If they ask for support, sit with them when they contact a domestic violence hotline and advocate.
  4. Help them plan alternative routes to work, school, etc.
  5. Remind them that if things start to escalate at home, to move out of or avoid the kitchen, bathroom, or any room with weapons.

Remember: Safety plans are unique to each individual. Encourage your friend to speak with an advocate to create a personal safety plan to use in their situation.